Flesh and Blood: Ten Vignettes

AU fic

Rating: PG with the darkness and angst…nothing, but the best for Alias fanfic.

Summary: Lauren and Sark are siblings. Lauren’s been around all three seasons, but as a CIA agent. Some of the events in the vignettes are taken from the show.

#1 no fair

Cops and robbers. The good guys and the bad guys. Summer days are filled with make-believe and pretend in the backyard. Chasing one another with toy guns.

Bang, bang.

Bang, bang.

You’re dead.

No fair, he says as he clutches his chest. He lets out an agonized cry and falls down to the green grass.

And then you feel guilty. After all, he is your little brother. So, you drop your gun and reach out your hand for him to take. He opens one eye and says the good guy doesn’t help the bad guy. He lets them die.

You say I can’t watch you die.

He takes your hand and gets back up, but he knows you’re unarmed now and he takes advantage of that: he shoots you.

Bang, bang.

You can practically feel the bullets enter your chest and you look at him in horror. At his betrayal. At his cruelty.

He smiles. Now you’re dead.

**

You watch the tape with Agent Vaughn. Screaming people outside Tyno-Chem Engineering in Hong Kong. Faint sounds of gun shots and more screams coming from the inside of the building. A man runs out of the doors, wounded and bleeding, crying for help. Your hand automatically goes to your mouth in shock. Vaughn’s eyes glance at you. Warning you. But you know what’s next.

He comes storming out after the bleeding man. In broad daylight. With no disguises. With your blonde hair and blue eyes. Clothed in black. He pauses, staring at the man, admiring his work and with one swift movement, he fires the gun.

You turn away from the footage.

Vaughn shuts off the tape, apologizes, but you shake your head. He shouldn’t have to apologize.

**

Make-believe and pretend has stopped. You don’t remember when cops and robbers became your life, when the line started to blur. But you do remember the day he was sent away to England and even though you soon followed, you never found him. And you think that maybe if you had found him, things would have been different.

**

SD-6 has him in their custody. You try to imagine him in the company of a man like Arvin Sloane and you tell yourself that he’s capable of taking care of himself. You think about that tape.

And then you hear that Sydney is going to Paris, and he’s going to be there. You want to go. To see him. But you know better than that. You know that he knows. That you and him are still playing cops and robbers in the backyard, where the sunlight touches your fingertips and his voice is echoing in the summer afternoon.

Now you’re dead.

#2 blue ice

You’re alone in your apartment. The TV is on low, some Lifetime movie, probably about adultery. You scoop a spoonful of Cherry Garcia out of the Ben and Jerry carton and savor the coldness, the sweetness. You’re dressed comfortably in sweats, thankful that today was a short day at the office, home before midnight. And now you can relax.

You stretch out your legs, placing your feet on the coffee table (only you can do that, it’s your little secret) and try to pay attention to the red-headed woman on the TV screen. You must be tired because the women is suddenly speaking French and talking to a five-legged monkey. You blink and rub your eyes. Oh, boy.

You turn off the TV, put your ice cream away, and head for bed.

**

Vaughn tells you about Siberia. How Sydney almost died, not once, but twice because of him. You don’t say anything. Because what can you say?

**

You imagine that ice pick stabbing into his leg.

Do you have an owie?

Uh-huh.

I told you to stay out of trouble.

You place a bandage on his scrapped knee and send him on his way again.

**

You think about him in Siberia, in the snow, covered in ice. Since you’ve moved to Los Angeles, you’ve found yourself missing snow angels and icicles.

It’s late when you catch your reflection in the mirror. Your blue eyes are hard and tired. You want to think that maybe they weren’t always like that. You walk to the kitchen, suddenly wanting to finish that carton of ice cream.

#3 and then your heart stops

You like Vaughn on days like today. He’s laid-back, goofing off with Eric, shooting paper balls into the wastebasket. He looks up and sees you in the doorway, turning back to Agent Vaughn. Lauren.

You smile and ask if they want to go to lunch with you. Vaughn declines; he’s meeting Sydney for a countermission. On the other hand, Eric is craving a hamburger.

#3.5 and then your heart stops again

You’re almost pleading to Sydney. Please get the antidote. Please. You hold back the tears because she’s already crying them for you.

You visit Vaughn in his room. He’s hidden behind a protective cover. He hears you pull up the chair and he opens his eyes. Lauren. You try to picture him goofing off with Eric. You try to picture him complaining about last night’s hockey game. But all you can see is this. You tell him that Sydney will get the antidote. Everything will be fine. He manages a small smile before falling back asleep.

And you want to touch him.

**

Sydney goes to work with him in Japan. You wait for any kind of update. You have faith in Sydney, but you lost faith in him a long time ago. You go through all the scenarios: what if he turns against her? what if he gives her the wrong antidote? what if he doesn’t her give an antidote at all?

Your stomach turns at each situation. You feel sick.

**

Sydney gets the antidote and your heavy heart sheds its worry.

Vaughn comes back to the office, thanks you for visiting him in the hospital, and goes to meet Sydney at the warehouse.

#4 blame

Sydney runs after you, grabs your arm viciously. If I see him, I’m going to kill him. You pull your arm away and glare at her. She rants about how her friend, Will, was kidnapped by him. How her friend’s life was now in his hands. She waits for you to say something. You don’t.

**

The pictures are worn and turning yellow from years gone by. You’re sitting in the middle of your bedroom. Pictures scattered around you, creating a perfect circle. You’re the older one, yet he was always the taller one. Giving you bunny ears behind your head. Sticking out his tongue just before your father snapped the photo. There are few pictures of you and him together. In later pictures, you are alone.

Sydney and her father had extracted Will a few days ago. Given him a story to go on. Something about drugs. And you know that Will Tippin’s life would forever be altered.

If I see him, I’m going to kill him.

You wonder if that is Sydney’s voice you’re recalling, or if that is your own speaking for the first time.

#5 why does everything hurt?

You round up the last of the SD-6 employees and you find yourself smiling. This is why you became an agent. The good guys always came though. No matter what. But you hear his gun and you hear his voice like a careless whisper. Bang, bang.

You walk back into the room and see Eric. You go to his side, about to congratulate him when you catch where his attention is at.

Sydney and Vaughn. In each other’s arms. Kissing. As if no one else existed in the world except for the two of them.

You lower your eyes, embarrassed to be witnessing such an intimate moment. But you look back up and there is a knot in your stomach, your throat becomes dry, and you wonder.

Can that ever be you?

**

They scattered her ashes at sea. That’s what Vaughn told you. You stand on the pier with him as he retells the details of Sydney’s funeral.

You watch the people pass by and you listen to Vaughn. He does not hide his tears. He openly weeps. You want to take his hand, but you think it might be too soon. He might still be holding her hand. But he surprises you and reaches for your hand. Warm and strong and asking you. Hold me. So you do.

His wet tears stain your coat, but you don’t care. You only whisper. Michael.

#6 sibling rivalry

It’s been a long time. But here he is. Here you are.

He glares at you through the glass window. Disheveled blonde hair. Cold blue eyes. Black prison uniform. Does he even recognize you?

You look well, he says.

You do not know what to say. You’ve thought about this moment before. Full of insults and comebacks and death stares. But you find yourself shaking and speechless.

I wish you had been the one to apprehend me in Stockholm. He gestures to his wounded nose. Agent Vaughn might have been a bit more lenient on me if you were with him instead of Agent Bristow.

I seriously doubt that, you say.

His crooked mouth smiles.

And then it’s quiet. Just the hum of the cameras over your head and your steady breathing. He takes a step closer to the glass and you do too.

The window turns into a mirror.

Remember when I used to have nightmares? You would crawl into my bed and read me stories until I fell asleep. You know his game plan. He is doing whatever he can to make you feel sorry for him.

He lowers his voice. I don’t sleep much these days.

And you think about his hand shaking you, waking you, and his sleepy voice. Lauren, I had a bad dream. You walk back to his room with him and he picks out a book for you to read. And your voice lulls him to sleep.

Now his voice lulls you. But it’s not as comforting.

**

He’s been behind the glass window for two months now. His curls are gone, replaced with a government issued crew cut. His tan has faded into a pale and ashen color. But his eyes. Still blue. They look back at you as you stand before him.

I have no more secrets, he says.

You think that he does. He hasn’t told you why he chose this way of life. Why he killed people for pleasure and money. Why he worked for Irina Derevko. When he learned to shoot a gun. Who was his first victim.

He says your name. Lauren. And you want to stab him. Because he cut you first.

The door buzzes open and Jack Bristow walks in. You step away from the glass. You’ll let Jack do the stabbing for you.

**

His eyes are still blue a year later.

Congratulations. He looks down at your engagement ring. I assume Agent Vaughn is the lucky man.

You do not confirm it.

I noticed the ring on his left hand the other day also, he says. So, he finally let Sydney Bristow rest in peace?

You narrow your eyes.

Will my wedding invitation be arriving soon? And he raises an eyebrow, challenges you to continue his game of truth or dare.

#7 danger

You open the door to the stairwell just as you hear the gun fire. You jump back and see him with a gun aimed at Vaughn. You want to scream, but another shot is fired and the gun falls from his hand. He looks up and runs off. You do not go after him. You run to Vaughn instead.

Vaughn! You kneel down and check for his bullet wound. You find the black vest instead and you let out a sigh of relief. He looks up at you, stunned and weary, and he gives you a tiny smile.

Another set of frantic footsteps come down the stairs. You move from Vaughn and Sydney takes your place.

And then you decide to run. After him. But by the time, you reach the end of the staircase, he has disappeared once again.

#8 there is nothing

She returns from the dead and you hug her and feel every bone in her body, but you can only look at her like she is a ghost.

I heard you and Vaughn…She lets the sentence trail off. Her eyes on your wedding ring.

Yes, Michael and I are married.

She smiles faintly. Michael…And then quickly says Vaughn as if saying his first name tastes unpleasant.

It’s been ages since you called him Vaughn. You call him Michael now and she knows that is a line she will never be able to cross. You crossed that line before she could.

**

He gets traded in the desert, but before he goes, he smiles at you and makes a promise. I’ll see you again.

**

Michael gets in bed with you. He is silent. So are you. He wants to talk and you know he wants to talk about Sydney. How she left the CIA. How she went to work for him and for Derevko. He looks at you. And you feel ashamed. For having a younger brother. Michael kisses you before he sleeps. And you feel ashamed. For leaving Sydney with nothing to live for.

#9 hello and good-bye

You do see him again. And you think that maybe he does keep his word after all. You shove him against the wall.

Hey, little brother.

He smiles and greets you with a fist. You reach for your fallen gun, but he picks it up before you can. The barrel is inches away from your face.

You’re in your backyard again, playing cops and robbers. You’re still the good guy and he’s still the bad guy. The gun is not plastic, but it is still a toy.

He tilts his head and a moment of sorrow passes through you and him. For the lost time. For the misguided ways. And you almost want to say you’re sorry. And he looks like he might too.

The gun is still on you, but he says, I can’t shoot you. And you think maybe it’s because he does love you. He does remember that you are his sister.

Sydney appears next to him with her own gun leveled at your head. I can. He may love you, but she does not.

Bang, bang.

Now you’re dead.

#10 what we do not find

That summer day in your backyard, after he shoots you, he offers to make it up to you with candy. You move the sweet piece of butterscotch in your mouth.

You open your eyes and watch him with Sydney and in your mouth, you taste blood. Coppery and bitter. You start to gag and he looks down at you. He does not extend his hand to help you, like what you would have done. He does not offer you a piece of candy so you can forgive him. He only turns from you and his foot bumps against your ankle as he leaves.

**

The good guy doesn’t help the bad guy. He lets them die.

It goes both ways, doesn’t it?

I can’t watch you die.

He can’t either.

END