“Never Fuck with a
Supernatural
R for language
General fic with Jo, Dean, and Sam.
For the We Take Five Fic Challenge, prompt #1--noir
Summary: The title says it all.
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I flash my ID to the pretty blonde behind the bar. Immediately she tenses up and her face has guilt written all over it. It’s always the pretty ones.
“Can you spare a moment?” I ask her.
“What’s this about?” she asks, hand on her hip.
“Does the name
It does. Her hand falls from her hip.
She glances at the other bartender and nods. “Five minutes.”
According to my notes, the blonde’s name is Joanna Beth Harvelle--goes by Jo. Grew up in
We sit in a booth in the back of the bar.
“You mind?” I ask, taking out a pack of Marlboros.
“Only if you don’t share.”
I like her already.
We light up and take a drag. I wait for her to start.
“Why are you looking for the Winchesters?” she asks.
“I think you already know why,” I say.
“I just want to hear you say it.” She leans over the table. “You have four minutes now.”
She looks like she’s serious so I start talking.
“Lady up in
Jo looks over the picture that was captured on a security camera. Two guys. One tall with longish hair. The other one shorter with a scowl on his face. She frowns. “It’s kind of blurry.”
“Bullshit.”
She narrows her eyes. “Hey, if you’re gonna talk to me like that, I suggest you leave now.”
I put on my best smile. “Now, now, there’s no need to be argumentative. We can do this right.” I point a finger at my chest. “You see, I’ve got a job to do. Can you help me do it or not?”
She plays with her cigarette like she’s bored with the conversation. “Why should I help you?”
“Because you know Winchesters are nothing but trouble,” I say. “They’re out there posing as P.I.’s. It gives me and the rest of the real P.I.’s a bad name when we have criminals pretending they’re us.”
“What if they’re not criminals?” she says. “What if they’re out there just doing their jobs too?”
I puff on my cigarette. I let her words linger and say, “And what kind of job is that, Miss Harvelle?”
She puts out her cigarette in the ashtray and stands up. “Sorry. Your five minutes are up.”
I watch her leave, smile on my face. She really does have a nice ass.
**
Jo’s shift ends at two in the morning. Outside, I wait for her to clean-up and leave the bar. It’s almost four when she heads home. According to my notes, she lives two blocks from the place. She walks in short quick paces. I keep my distance, making sure she doesn’t know I’m following her.
Her apartment building is brick and historic looking. Across the street, I wait for her light to come on from the fourth floor. I light up a cigarette just as she turns on a lamp in the window. I watch her move from room to room. She has on a pair of shorts and a tank-top now. Too bad I couldn’t have seen her undress.
Ten minutes later the lights go out. Must have gone to bed.
I wait a few more minutes. Just in case.
No one by the name of
**
I go back to the bar the next night. Jo notices me and keeps away from me. I don’t let her get away.
I sit at the bar and hold up a ten. “Hey, can I get a drink?”
“Go someplace else,” she says.
“Is that what you say to all your paying customers?” I smirk at her. She looks like she wants to cut off my balls.
She grabs my ten. “What do you want?”
“Get me a
“How about just the
I take a long swig of the beer. “I can stay here all night, sweetheart.”
She ignores me and goes to tend the other customers.
An hour later, I haven’t moved and Jo hasn’t come back to me. It’s okay. I’m a patient guy.
Two hours pass. Jo sneaks away from the bar with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I follow her outside the back door. In the alley, she lights up and takes a long drag.
“I’ve been waiting to do that all night,” she says.
“You gonna talk to me now?” I ask.
She’s quiet for a moment. Then: “If I help you, are you going to leave me alone?”
“Honey, if you help me find a
She nods her head. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
I grin. “That a girl.”
**
This is how it’s going to play out.
Jo’s going to give the Winchesters a call. Tell them she
needs them in
Getting them to
Doing my job is the hard part.
And I’m not talking about the lady in
I have my own plans for the Winchesters, but Jo doesn’t know that. And what Jo doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
Not unless she tries to stop me.
**
The call comes in at six the next evening.
“They’re here,” Jo says on the other line.
She gives me the time of the meeting and the address of the place they’re going to be at.
“I’ll be there,” I say.
“Wait.” She pauses. “You’re just doing your job, right?”
I stand in my hotel room in front of a full-length mirror and reach for a tie that will match my suit. I grin at my reflection as my black opaque eyes shine back at me “Just doing my job, sweetheart.”
**
I pick the navy tie and head out to the location where the
Winchesters are going to be meeting Jo. It’s a dock warehouse on the edge of
It looks like I’m early since there’s no one around.
It takes me a minute to wonder if I’d been set up.
I get my answer as soon as three figures walk around the corner. It’s Jo and those damn Winchesters. My notes say the oldest one is named Dean. He takes after his father, John--a hunter until the very end. Sam’s the younger one even though he looks like he’s a foot taller than his big bro. He’s the total package: muscles and brains.
But, it’s Jo that I have to admire.
The girl had balls. Set me up--hook, line, and sinker.
And I was the fool who had fallen for it.
I loosen my tie. They raise their rifles.
“Let me guess,” I say. “Just doing your job?”
“Yeah, you?” Dean says without cracking a smile.
I take in a deep breath and let the inner demon out. My insides burn with the fires from hell. My vision adjusts as it changes colors. On the outside they’re black as night, but everything comes in clearer, crisper. All my other senses kick into overdrive too. Like how I can smell Jo’s flowery perfume, see the sweat trickle down Dean’s neck, and hear Sam grind his teeth as his jaw locks.
“Everyone has their own mission,” I say, watching the hunters as they circle me. “I guess mine didn’t work out as I had planned.”
“You mean finding out what happened to that demon in
I chuckle. “Hell, I knew your boys here were responsible for that exorcism. That’s what led me to you.”
“What if I told you that was wrong?” Jo says.
I frown. “But my notes said--”
“Think real hard,” she says.
I do. I think about the missing husband, the frantic wife,
and the black and white image I had taken from
The same one who’s giving me a smug smile at this very moment.
“Well, damn,” I say. “That picture was blurry.”
They don’t let me say much after that. I hear the gun shot, then feel the bullet slam into my chest. Damn, there goes my suit. I land on my back, stunned.
When I look up, the three of them are standing over me with
their barrels pointed at my head. That’s when I see the gold ring on Jo’s left
hand. Now, that’s something my notes hadn’t told me. I want to smile at the
revelation, but the bullet in my chest hurts too damn much. All I can do is
wonder which
I suppose it doesn’t matter now.
I’m the stupid one who didn’t even know he was with a
Jo’s quick to remind me of how stupid I am. She moves the barrel of her rifle right in between my eyes and I feel the cold steel press down hard.
“Never fuck with a
She pulls back her rifle like she’s changing her mind about shooting me. But that’s just me being stupid again. Instead big brother Dean and little brother Sam move in.
“Any last words?” Dean asks, his voice dripping with victory.
“Yeah,” I say. “Go to--”
They fire their guns.
Damn Winchesters.
THE END